Splitwit In:

Note The Sarcasm

Most people say I'm nothing but the ship's fool, but what do they know?

Living with two completely different minds in you is tough, but I'm tougher. I make it work too, it's fun. Its not like they talk to me or anything, but it's not like my current state of mind is anything like a scientist and warrior. But enough of me, lets talk intoxicants.

The ship captain, Waitstate, makes a mean drink. He calls it a "Squeaky Wheel". Weird name, I think. But hey, whatever works. The other 'bot at the Neutral Ground--that’s the ships bar for you neophobes--isn't as good, but he still gets the job done. Download's kinda annoying, though. Don’t even get me started on Slipstreams mixing abilities; the first time was bad enough. I've had that one drink of Magnums; he called it "Galactic Blood" or something. Watered down thing, I don’t know how he stands something that weak. I've never actually thought about becoming a bartender or anything like that, but I've had some friends bring it up. I sure know enough about the stuff, that's for sure.

The Neutral Ground's a nice place. Normally I just hang out at the bar itself, but there's booths for people like that. The booths tend to bring me bad luck. One time I was sitting there, minding my own business, and a blue bot--Roadkill I think--came up to me and told me my room was on fire. Ye gods, that was bad, the room actually did catch on fire. How it happened, I don’t know. I got to stay in Shadowpaw's room for a few days though, so it was all good. Hee.

Getting back on track…

There I was, sitting at the bar awaiting my drink. Download, the often-sarcastic bartender, was talking with another person at the bar. I didn't really care; I just wanted my darn drink. So he finally comes over to me and says, "What will it be today, Split?"

I put my hand on my chin, feigning a few moments of "careful" consideration, and I make my decision: "Two of your best, if you will," I lean in closer to him, "Mind throwing in a few drops of copper sulfate?" Copper sulfate, when mixed with energon, made an explosively delicious drink.

Download looks at me quizzically for a moment; I know what's going through his mind. He thinks I cant' handle it. Finally, he mixes the thing and sets it out in front of me. It's in a really large cup. If it weren't for my visor covering my optics, Download would have seen my optic ridges twist upwards in interest.

See intoxicant.

See Splitwit.

See Splitwit chug intoxicant.

Chug, Splitwit, chug.

Everything's fuzzy. Real fuzzy. Aaaah, weirdness hath followed the drinking. I look around; everything's really out of proportion. Download is about two miles away from his leg, the windows are right in my face, and my feet are nowhere to be seen. I can't exactly tell. Download is looking at me funny.

"Go home, Splitwit," he says. At least, I think that’s what he said. It comes out more like, "Guh hruum, Cwiwith." I don’t think I've been this smashed in a while. This is so cool. I don’t think I'll argue with the barkeep, though. It's normally not a good idea to argue with the guy who gives you the good stuff.

I turn around to get off the stool I'm on, and I suddenly lose control of my left arm and it goes wild, crashing into something. After a moment I turn my head over there and see, about twenty feet away, Lightning's sitting next to me with a smashed glass on the floor and a lot of spilled energon. He looks at me and says something I don’t understand, so I nod. I blink, and there's this big gray thing coming towards me.

Freeze.

Before I go on, let's take a quick look at your typical seeker body structure. Your average friendly neighborhood Decepticon seeker revolves around three primary systems: flight, weapons, and transformation. The flight system is located primarily in the legs; they house the thrusters for both robot and jet modes. There's also the wings. The transformation elements are mostly in the chest and arms, which also house the weapons. Seeker weapons are mainly the multi-functional weapons hard-points on their upper arms, which normally have one sort of weapon attached, which can be used in both modes. There's also a fair amount of hydraulics in the arms, making them very strong. Naturally, seekers are fast, strong, deadly opponents, not things you want to get into a fist fight when you're drunk with.

Getting back on track. There's this big gray box thing coming towards me, I can't tell what it is. It's sort of grooved, with… ah! It's a fist! Say "hi" to the nice fist, Splitwit.

Nuts.